Male
Member Since May 12 2005
Cheeni Kum, actually sugarless (Horror?)
Sep 8 2007 | Views 717 |
Comments (20)
Tags: Cheeni Kum Sudesh Bhonsle Sugarless Gum Amitabh Bacchhan
Tags: Cheeni Kum Sudesh Bhonsle Sugarless Gum Amitabh Bacchhan
Class Assigni-maint: BOOK REVIEW
GRADE:4th std
NAME :BDB (Phor Who Am I, click here)
BOOK NAME: Cheeni Kum
(Actwally I dont' read the books, so I is using my vast moobhie no-ledge and the interests. What diffrenc between mobhie & books? Both stories! Only, mobhies easier...no spelling mishtakes. So Pleeze ex-cuse)
GENRE:Horror
RATING:Two Thumbs Cut-Off (Ha haa...)
Intro
Hello Teacherji. Phusht of all, I like to thank the karigars who phinally showed me the Horror moobhies! I da like dem sooo much, butt he not da showings dem to mee at all. (Sez I da gets too hi-per! As if I childs!)
I loads Da DVD, presses button to click on "Chini bottle" dat says start, and mobhie starts. Ai Da facsinateds. It is da horriblest mobhie I seen in a long long time.
In Da Beginnings...
It is Dark (Mebbe DVD is pirate "screen" copy?). It is set inside a vast chembur of horrors! Huge Steel Tables. "Clang!! Clanggg!!!" sounds. Manny menny animals have been mass-cared here, their hands, legs, leebhers etcetra is all lying around. Manny execushuners with big knives are walking around to see what is to be kutt nextt! Also sum veggie-Tables lyings arounds, just to add extra dramma-tick effects, with much mirchi, massala, salt & pepa, and Cheeni Kum....
And Da Action Bee-Ginns.
Villians
And Den it happens! The HUGE voice of Da Cheap Villian is going Boom...Boom. Me is scared, horrified (Cool, did is how horror moobhie shud be). Wait....I rekkognize Da voice! It izz Da Sudesh Bhonsle. He Da bestest imitators of my Favrit Stars...Da one & only Big B...AmittaBig Baccha. But He da no Baccha now, he Da Buddha, retired with da dignity in-tact. (I hopes)
But Hey..dis aktor comes he looks like Amitabh-ji wid Da Sudesh Bhonsle Voice. And He is Scar-ee...He scares all Da Peepuls, da execushioners in Dat Chembur Of Horrors. He Yells Big. He Screams Bigger. He swells up and Da explodes...Biggest!
Poof.
S-Poof
Da Grate thing of dis mobhie is dat all da execushioners, and Da Cheap Execushioner, pre-tend as if Dey all managings Dis Restaurant calleds "Spice-six" in da Lun-Dun city. So we have also some Dee-Vills acting as all smart Cushtumers in London (Hope Lun-Dun peepuls is not off-ended!). Dey act Bherry Normall and call "waiter" and da order foods. But what Dey Reely getting is all the pro-ducts of the slaw-ter inside.....Ooohhhh......Chill...eeeeeeeeeeeee...
Suss-Pains!! (Spice-6 iz Da Spice-Sex?)
In dis mobhie,it Da turns out, Dat the main Bhilly Yun of Da mobhie iz Da person named "sexy". I Da rewinded mobhie to confirm. So Da mobhie wanted to be sexy...whatta sus-pain.
Den Da story takes of like a de-mented Rollar-Costar..WooHoo....WooHee...Hooey.....
Lubb iz also Dere (But Hoo Da Care?...Horror...paisa vasool 4 hor-ror). A girl hoo looks like actress Taboo (Yeah maan...like she wazz Da Total Sweet Taboo! Only Hotter....) She walks in to da mobhieDa just out of Da bloo, den sheTRIPPS big time and Da Falls......
She Da Falls Phor Da Cheap BigB Copy cat Bhillian! Actually, Me thinks she Da falls for Da Sudesh Bhosle voise of dis stoopid actor copying Big Baccha! (Big Bacchha must be soo sadd! Ebhen kopy ka kwality kharaab!)
Butt (suspendsion)...Will Da Big B and his Dee-vils company, cut her up into fillion chilly peices, and Da serve to the cushtomers waiting da outside, baying outside? So much Horror Potential! Blood...Ah Love its....Gore....Love its more!
But no (whatta bore). She iz da Dee Vill Too...She falls phor him after dis hi-fi dialog-
She
: Cheeni Zyaada in Biryani.
He
: No! Cheeni is Kum!
She
: Kumine! Kum Heere. When Why Cheeni in Hyderabadi Biryani?
He
: Aisa No Ho-ings in my Rish-Trant. I Rant So well, dat my stuff iz well cooked.
She
: Bye Bye. I will Da Show you Real Biryani! Wait...
(after some times...psst...me no telling what happends...)
He
: Mmmm...Mmmmm...Yum...Yum...Yum-Raaj....Yeh kyaa Raaz hai? I da nebher tasted so biryani! Yani ki...Mmmm....Mmmmmm
[I so Da emb-raced jee...dis is too much koo-tchie koo. More horrible then Horror!]
She
: Ai Lub Yoo.
He
: Lo Chhatta Lo. [And He Give her Da Umb-railla!!???!!!]
....
....
Den I clozed Da Mobhie (I like to chooze My personal Endings. Any Problems?)....Bahut Mazaa Aaya...except Da Ending!
Summary:
Good Horror Mobhie. Hold Da Hands of Your Luved ones while watching, and shut-Dere mouths if Dey Screams.
And Thanks Yous & Come Agains!
~x~
NOTE FROM KARIGAR:
Perhaps the above review made some sense to you, perhaps it didn't.
BDB made a "speshul rik-west" that he be allowed to submit his 4th grade assignment via a blog, & I couldn't deny him. Hope the teacher grades him accordingly (for "Wisdom Beyond & Behind his Ears", perhaps?
Regarding why BDB couldn'tfigure outthat the movie really had Amitabh Bacchhan & Tabu as the "romantic lead"...I couldn't tell. But I did get thrown off by Amitabh growling all his lines throughout the movie,regardless of the context being scary, funny, gentle....He'd growl away. (Bad script? Bad Hair Day...??)
And yes, the setting of the movie really was a "real" reataurant in London called Spice-6. Also there was this tearjerk (er..sorry) of a child whom every one called "sexy" (BDB did get it right!). She was a cancer patient who watched Adult Movies (4 per night!! I've forgotten which came first, the movie watching, or the Cancer) due to some complex psychological / pathological reasons, with the active connivance of the Big B character. I need a PHD from Haah-Vahd to understand that.
Zoya Sehgal as the Big B's mother, and Paresh Rawal, as the Tabu character's father...were quite funny. "Sexy" even ? ( I guess that word can be thrown around to describe anything these days, especially if one's vocabulary impaired...)
The best line of the movie was when BigB goes to procure Adult videos for the child, and asks the video store clerk point blank -
"Are there any more Adult Movies that a child can watch?"
That made me think - "Paisa Vasool".
Sure hope that was an intentional one liner (Just can't tell with Big B these days...gone are the days of Namak Halaal...Amar Akbar Anthony...)
The language & mood of the movie basically seemd to educate desi audiences in the "nuances" of being Westernized & Cool ("London Se aaya main Ban Than Ke" sang Kishore Da a long time ago...but he had his tongue firmly in his cheek. This movieseemed sincere). I'm glad I'm old enough not to need this "training" in "nuances" seemingly picked up from Hollywood hits & force-fitted onto a Hindi movie...
But then...."Cheeni Kum" was perhaps a frank admission of guilt...and they didn't bother with any of the usual masala I'm used to, either (The lesser said about the baying that passed off for songs, the better...)
Oh well...poor BDB, or may be not!....ignorance is bliss...he did seem to be enjoying what he sincerely thought was a horror movie.
Movie Rating:
Music Rating:
© karigar., all rights reserved.
In case you missed...
© 1998-2008 Copyright Sulekha.com Connecting Indians Worldwide, All Rights Reserved.
Recommend